Excerpt: A Life Beyond Limits: Overcoming Private Pain
The Fight to Stay
I am not sure about you, but I have never experienced a manifested rest. I am always in an inward battle. In the Bible, Apostle Paul said it best when he said, “The good that I would do, evil is always present,” because it is always a struggle between good and evil. It is hard to express this to people because sometimes people blow you off with comments like, “Oh it’s not all that,” “You alright,” but this is not the truth. While I may feel alone in this, I know I am not out here by myself. I truly desire to do the right thing. I guess that is why it is such a struggle. I want to stay grounded in the Word and I know it is a fight. Even when I do bad things, I desire to do well.
In everything that I do, I realize there is always a fight with flesh. Even going through the battle, desiring these things, you realize you have so many enemies, not only inwardly but outwardly. It really gets rough when the struggle becomes exposed. People that may seem to be there for you may not really have good intentions. These same people are sometimes there just waiting for you to fall. They are not there to help or lend a helping hand, to understand where you are, be an ear to listen to you or be there to realize that they too have struggles. However, they are judging you and looking at you without even considering the struggles they are going through.
For those of you who are struggling, or have struggled with the strongholds of lust, envy, jealousy, bitterness, uncontrollable anger, greed, maliciousness, self-hatred, adultery, drug addiction, arrogance, selfish-pride, and depression, this poem, The Fight to Stay, is for you. Some of these things I have dealt with, and still have to fight to overcome them, but I know that I have to keep fighting to stay on this path. I fight to stay because I want to be a true believer and a true reflection of what I profess. I fight to stay because I want to be free from the flesh and free from the things that try to rule me. I fight to stay because I need the peace. I fight hard to stay because sin, although pleasurable at times, is never good for you. It may feel good at the moment but the consequences of what you do will yield to much heartache and the heartache may not even be yours.